My 30 Day Curves Update

No bad, Not bad...

July 7th =-)

Here's the actual video update:



Then I decided to do a bit of a "before and now" photo slideshow...

June 30th Update

I think I like blogging while actually driving better. Less people have a chance to stare at me wondering wth I'm doing in my car talking to myself. ;)

Another Video Update :)

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10% GOAL! :)

I started a video blog today so you can see that below. I screwed up in the video blog and said my weight is 178.7 but that was my 10% goal weight, I'm actually 178.5 not that 2/10th of a pound matters in the grand scheme of things but that's why there's a discrepency. ;)

30 Day Curves Results

My 30 days Curves study was up today so I did my weigh and measure. I'm very pleased with the results and can tell you I am glad that they weigh and measure there on a monthly basis because I'm pretty blown away. I knew how much weight I had lost but I didn't really "see" any difference as far as inches were concerned so it was nice to see that there are actually changes (and quite a few actually).

The same girl that measured me the first day measured me again. I was glad for that just because of consistency.

So here are my results:
Weight: -9 pounds (Of course this is after breakfast and with clothes on so their numbers are a little different than what I have at home)
Bust: -1.25 inches (poor hubby)
Waist: -1.0 inch
Abdomen: -1.0 inch
Hips: -1.75 inches
Thigh: -1.5 inches
Arm: -1 inch
Body Fat %: -1.9%

And if you assume that both my thighs/arms are the same that means:
Total Inches Lost: -10.0 Inches

Now I'm kind of a geek so I decided to calculate this out:
1st day there I had 73.34 pounds of fat
Today I have 66.43 pounds of fat

According their numbers, I lost 9 pounds of total weight of which almost 7 pounds was pure fat. Not too shabby.

I know I still have a long way to go but these results are awesome for 30 days. It gives me the motivation to keep doing it!

Damn you 180!!!

Damn you 180 pounds!!! Ok, no, I'm kidding. I'm exceptionally happy that I lost 1.6 pounds this week and I'm at 180, but I was hoping for 179.9. What's the big deal about that 1/10th of a pound? My BMI officially drops to 29.9 at 179.9 pounds which makes me overweight instead of obese. The 180 means my BMI is exactly 30.0 So, UGH! ONE TENTH OF A POUND!!!

Honestly, it's ok, it means that by next Monday I'll totally be in the zone of being under a BMI of 30 and I'll be well on my way.

I'm very surprised and pleased that I've stuck with this for so long this time. I wasn't sure if I would. But I have. I want to pat myself on the back for that. *pat pat* I still can't fit into the undies I bought myself in April but I'm feeling confident that I will soon.

For shits and giggles I decided to try on a pair of size 13 pants I got at Hot Topic a few years ago. I think they are Jr's sizes because "women's" don't have 13's. So I'm not sure if they are really a 13 (meaning halfway between a 12 and a 14) or if they are a totally different sizing altogether.

Either way they are totally cute capri's and it's getting hot out so I need something for the days I don't have to be in a lab playing with chemicals. When I first started this, I could do the dance to get the pants up over my ass but there was no way in HELL that I could button them. Like not even close.

Today? I got them up over my ass and buttoned them! I like my clothes baggy so they are a bit tighter than I would like them, so I won't be wearing them outside the house just yet but HELLO WOOHOO!! I got these not only up over my ass without having to do the shimmy dance AND they buttoned! YES YES YES!!!

Now, come on 170's! *glares*

2 more GONE!

Last Monday I was 183.6 and this morning I was 181.6. Two more pounds GONE! I just realized that if I lose 2 more pounds by next Monday I will no longer be OBESE!

Oh yea! I'll be on the high end of "overweight" but my category will have officially changed from Obese to overweight! WOOHOO!!!

I've lost a total of 16.9 pounds since I started this on April 17th. That's 16.9 pounds in just over 6 weeks. I'm pretty stoked about that, really. That means my average weekly weight-loss is 2.82 pounds.

I've also been working out consistently at Curves 5 times a week for the last 3 weeks. I really enjoy going there. I leave there feeling good and energized and ready to face the day. I know I considered not going there after my 30 days is up; but, I'm going to do it.

Even if I max out what they can offer me before my year commitment is up, I still feel really good when I leave there so I can go and just get my cardio in. At this point I'm no where near hitting the ceiling of what they can offer so I am going to enjoy it and work hard with it.

Next stop the 170's followed shortly by the 160's!

-1.8 Pounds

Last Monday I was 185.4 pounds and today I'm 183.6, I'm hoping I'm retaining some water from the whole fun girl part of the month. I know I shouldnt' be disappointed because 1.8 pounds in a week is GREAT and close to the max for a healthy weightloss; but, I am. I've been losing at least 2 pounds a week and I was hoping that it wouldn't slow down already. Although I really cannot complain, I've lost 15 pounds since I started this on April 17th. That's an average of 3 pounds a week. I'm hoping to lose another 5 by June 17th (which I think is totally do-able) which will still keep me in my goal of 10 pounds a month.

I need to stop neglecting this blog but lately I've been feeling like this is a more private journey and I don't really have a whole lot to say. Plus, it's hard to feel motivated to write anything when nobody reads it. But it's hard to have people read it when I don't tell them about it. LOL! Oh well.

I just tried on the bra/panties I got that motivated me to start this whole journey again. They still don't fit. The undies are close but not quite. The bra, pretty much the same. I think I'll try again when I hit 174 pounds.

Curves is closed today so I'll go tomorrow. My goal is to get there 5 times this week Tuesday-Saturday. I don't see why I won't be able to do that.

I'll try to check in tomorrow or Wednesday. An email group I'm on is doing a "Biggest Loser" and the weigh-ins for that group are Wednesday. I admit it, I weigh every morning, but having official weigh-ins for WW on Monday and then for Biggest Loser on Wednesday helps me stay on track because I don't say "screw it" on Monday and have a bad day since I know I have to report my weight again on Wednesday.

Hopefully some of the water-weight will be gone by Wednesday. Last Wednesday I was 184.4; so, it would be nice to be down to at least a little bit more so that weigh-in reflects a decent drop in weight. Because as it stands right now I'm only down 0.8 pounds since last Wednesday.

I'll keep you updated.

Good Week

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Curves & New Shoes

I went to Curves today for my first workout. The lady there that was showing me all the equipment was really nice. It's not rocket science but I appreciated her input. One cool thing about Curves is that you switch machines every 30 seconds so you're never on any one thing for too long. I like that. Another nifty thing is that every 5 minutes (that's my estimate) they have you pause for a few seconds and check your heart rate. Mine got up to about 85% and that made the lady nervous so she told me to back down. She said after I've worked out for a while it is fine but not to leave about 75-80% until I've been working out for a while.

I guess that's fine, I don't really care right now. I technically haven't worked out for probably close to 6-8 weeks so it's better to not jump right into the deep end of the pool. I have two more workout sessions with the people there so they verify I do everything right and then I'm on my own.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do when my 30 days here are up. I think Curves seems really cool for someone who is new to working out, is older, or needs to drop some weight (like me) but I think that after about 6 months I'm going to hit my ceiling with what they can offer. I just don't see them helping me tone up or anything like that. So I'm torn because if I join up after this 30 day trial they make you sign a 1 year contract. I don't think I'll be working out there in a year. Well, let me rephrase that, I don't think that working out there in a year will be nearly as beneficial to me as it is right now. I think I'll need a more traditional weight-lifting program to tone up and stuff. So I'm torn. It's good cardio, don't get me wrong, and even in a year I'll need that but it just seems silly to pay for Curves at that point when I can go to the gym at the University for free.

I don't go now because I'm way too intimidated by the thin 20 year old girls who look at me like I'm a huge fat slob. But, by the time school starts, I'm hoping to be around 150 and while I'll still look like a big fat slob to them, I won't be nearly as bad as I am now so maybe I won't be so embarassed. And, honestly, by Christmas I'd like to be at goal weight.

Anyways, I got myself some new shoes because I realized today that my tennis shoes are trashed. They are pictured above. I like them. =-) I also got a pair of Nike flip flops because I finally threw away my flip flops last Fall. They were all compressed from my fat ass walking on them especially considering I wore them through almost an entire pregnancy. LOL!

Today's food is good. I'm at 20 points, I'm contemplating a 2 point ice cream sandwhich and then I'll be at 22 which is only 2 points low for the day. I can hang with that.

Off to veg for a bit before reading a book and heading to bed!

Long Time no Blog

I'm still doing fine with all of this. This morning I weighed myself and I was 188.4. That is down 3 pounds from last Monday and puts me at a total of 10 pounds lost since I started this three weeks ago! Yay!

I dunno why I haven't blogged. Haven't had much to say, I guess.

It's been 3 weeks since I started this and I haven't done any exercise, so I decided it was time to put exercise into the gameplan. I joined Curves today. They are doing a 30 day fitness study so it was 30 dollars for 30 days and by joining the study I commit to exercising 3x a week and eating right for the next 30 days. I will decide if I want to join Curves officially after the 30 days are up. I start tomorrow morning with the girl showing me how to do all the exercises and stuff.

They did my measurements and body fat percentage. They are about what I expected and what I've seen in the past so it wasn't any kind of huge shocker. I'll post all that here later, probably tomorrow. It will be nice to see them get smaller in the next 30 days though. So I'm excited about that.

My point total got knocked down from 25 to 24 due to my weight loss. I'm not exceptionally worried about it because usually I'm a bit lower on points than I "should" be; however, I ate all 24 points today. My husband made this yummy dinner but it has an assload of cheese on it so that alone was 6.5 points. But that's ok, I ate 24 points and I'm done for the day.

I will definitely blog tomorrow and let you know how I enjoyed curves.

*grumbles*

I don't know what's up with me but I'm starving today. I had my usual breakfast and a decent, albeit low point lunch, but by dinner I was just STARVED. I had 2 pieces of pizza and walked away but my stomach was still grumbling and I caved and had 2 more pieces. And believe it or not, my stomach is still grumbling but I'm done for the night. Having to be a Den Leader for Cub Scouts must really wear me out. LOL

So today certainly wasn't a day where I had to whine about not eating enough. I had 31.5 points today which is 6.5 points too high for the day. So I'll probably be retaining a bit of water for a few days -- especially after all that pizza.

I'm also really tired tonight. It's 10pm and I'm ready to go to bed. I think I'll call it an early night and try to get some sleep. I haven't been sleeping well lately so maybe that's part of it, I don't know.

Wiiiiiii-ry tired!

Wii boxing = hellish workout. But I LOVE it. I Wii boxed for about half an hour this evening and by the time I was done I was pouring sweat. Of course, it didn't help that it was 80 degrees in my house to begin with. It felt really good to get moving and have a bit of exercise. I know I need to do that more often.

My email list I run on yahoo is having a second round of a "Biggest Loser" competition and I decided to join up again. So now it's no longer a secret that I'm trying to lose weight. I told one of my friends about this blog but I'm not really sure I will tell the others. For some reason it doesn't bother me to have her read the thoughts but I don't really think that anyone else would find them interesting.

I ate 17 points today instead of the 25 I'm supposed to. I really am way too hung up on this points thing. I really should just stop obsessing but everyone says if you don't eat enough points you'll put your body into starvation mode and blah blah blah blah. The last thing I want is to hit a plateau and not be able to get anywhere near goal. I already had enough of that frustration since January with eating right and exercising. I wonder if I wasn't eating enough and the exercise added too much of a calorie deficit and my body went "Woah! Not cool!" Or I'm just broken. I'll pick option #2.

So, Wii exericse + decent food consumption = pretty good day.

Back to my IM'ing and then off to bed!

191.4!

Down 2 more pounds this week. I started this on April 17th at 198.5 and less than 3 weeks later I'm down 7.1 pounds. Not too shabby! I'm going to weigh again on Thursday just to see what my official 3 week status is. I guess I should have just had all my weigh-in's be on Thursday's but that's ok. I will probably also do a weigh-in on the 17th of each month regardless of what day of the week it is just to see the monthly breakdown. I do hit the scale too much but I don't really care. I like having the progress showing on the scale and I like being accountable. If I skip the scale for too long I end up slacking. Although, this time, I haven't started slacking yet. Maybe this time is an actual change for the long-haul.

I haven't started exercising officially yet, I know I should but I just want to take things slowly. The Wii Fit comes out on May 21st (I think?) and I will use that so I might just wait and see how things go the next 2 weeks without the exercise. Plus, I'm constantly hiking all over campus so it's not like I'm sitting on my butt all day. In fact, these days, I rarely sit down at all.

Ok tired and off to bed!

Gah, I keep forgetting!

I keep forgetting to write in this blog because I've been on such a kick writing for my regular blog.

I totally messed up the whole "I'll post every day for 3 months" thing but oh well. I think it's more important that I actually stick to the diet for 3 months than it is that I post every day.

So anyways, 2 more days of sticking with the points. I cooked dinner tonight, made stuffed portabello mushrooms with spinach and carrots so I got in some good veggies. Yum!

I'm torn on whether or not to keep going with the WW thing. I get very frustrated that I'm not eating "enough" when I'm eating quite a bit. It's not my fault that when I'm not wolfing down junk food and I actually eat a well balanced vegetarian diet that I can't seem to eat enough calories to make WW happy and I'm tired of feeling like I'm doing something "wrong" because I'm pretty constantly 3-4 points too low for a day.

I'm not going to quit now because I paid for 3 months but at this point I'm not sure I'll make it all 3 months if I'm constantly having the computer yell at me. LOL!

Ok I'm distracted so off to chat on IM.

Early Post Tonight

I didn't post last night because I was tired and my husband had the day off so I spent most of the day with him. It was a bad day though food wise. I really really fucked up. I started off strong and then we got to playing the Wii and were just hanging out together and my old habits kicked in and I downed about half a bag of cheetos and a 20 ounce Coke. I knew what I was doing, but I didn't stop. *sigh* But that's ok, I'm back on track today and I'm not going to kick myself in the ass too long about that slip up. Even though I really want to. I mean I'm not going to be a MILF if I'm sitting around eating cheetos and downing bottles of coke every day. But sometimes I feel so far from the goal that it feels like screw it because I day of cheetos and coke isn't going to make a damn difference. I know that's wrong, but at the same time, eh... I feel so jabba the hut that I don't even care.

Today is an early post because Scrubs is on tonight and so is LOST. I *love* LOST.

I've done well on the food today. I didn't do any "formal" exercise but I was so busy at work that I literally never sat down and I was hiking all over campus. I lost my badge to get into the clean room so I had to go track down the guy to get me a knew one. Then I had to go back to the other side of campus to hit an ATM since they charge you for losing it. Then back to the guy to pick up the new badge. Then back to the other side of campus where my building is. Then I stood in the lab all day and worked on "stuff". After that, I got home and my son wanted to play Wii together so I'm sitting down, for the first time today, right now. It's exhausting but I feel good at the same time.

I have had only used 17 points today because of being busy... I didn't have time to have an afternoon snack. But I plan to eat a little dessert while watching Scrubs (or LOST haven't decided) so I'll be around 20 for the day when I'm done.

One thing I noticed that I'm having a hard time doing is getting in enough vegetables. I know that sounds totally bizarre because I'm a vegetarian but I'm not eating many vegetables lately. I'll do fruit, no problem, but for some odd reason I'm not eating many veggies lately. I think I need to start cooking more often from scratch again because then I do pretty well with the veggies. But I've been so busy at work that I've been relying on eating things like Smart Ones and Lean Cuisine which are just so full of garbage. For an organic crunchy person, I'm eating a bunch of shitty processed food lately. I really need to knock that off.

I think I'll make a menu again and go shopping on Saturday to get everything I need to cook dinner every night of the week. Wednesday is Scouts and we don't get out of that until 7:30ish so I'll allow myself a Smart Ones that night, but other than that, I think my goal will be to cook dinner (or have leftovers) every night this week.

Ok off to do a few things before Scrubs starts!

Wii!

I got myself a Wii as an early Mother's Day present. I really want that Wii Fit that comes out at the end of May. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the elliptical trainer and having an excuse to watch TV but I am kind of bored of it and need something new and novel to try.

Today was a weird food day. I forgot to each lunch! I honestly didn't do it on purpose. I just got busy and sidetracked and forgot. Then I didn't realize it until around 5:00 when I started getting *really* hungry so I made myself a bigger than normal dinner. But I stayed within my point range and I don't intend to make it a habit of skipping lunch because my dinner was like 15 points worth of food because I was so hungry.

I'm already sore from that Wii. It's crazy. I spent 4 hours playing it today. I'm not going to count it was four hours of exercise (although that boxing game, I sure could) but I have to have burnt some calories because I wasn't sitting on the couch for 4 hours instead.

Well off to bed.

MIGRAINE

Ug... my head hurts.

Went one point over my points today because I had a regular coke (or 2) to try to help curb my migraine. Usually it works but not this time. :/ But that's ok, because I have the flex points that I can use so I'm not really worried about it.

I just wish my headache would go away. I think it's because the weather here got all funky. Three days ago it was in the low 80's and now it's snow flurries. It's so bizarre.

I think part of my success the last week was not really eating the flex points so I'm going to attempt to not use any more of them this week and see what happens. Either way, I only went over by 1 so it's really not a huge ordeal and I'm over it.

I'm enjoying my yahoo group so far but I'm on moderated status which means I'm at the mercy of the list owner to approve my posts. So the posts I made several hours ago still haven't shown up. It makes it difficult to interact when it takes several hours for the posts to go through. I feel guilty harassing the list owner about it because I know how much work it is to run an email list so I'll be passive aggressive here and hope she reads this and knows I'm not out to sabotage her list and maybe she'll take me off of moderated. ;)

Ok, off to bed.

Weekend Success

I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself for making it through the weekend and staying within my points. I tend to get bored and sit around and snack when I have nothing to do. It's been pretty chilly this weekend and VERY windy so I didn't get to go out very much with the baby (and I) getting over the creeping crud.

I will weigh-in tomorrow and I'm hoping to see good numbers on the scale. I know that I said that I wouldn't let the scale determine my success or failures this time, but honestly, I lied. It's hard for me to put in a bunch of effort to see no pay out so while I will do my best to not have a bad week have me throw in the towel, I do think that me saying that my success will strictly be determined by me living a healthier lifestyle is me lying to myself. So, that said, let's hope for a good loss tomorrow!

I joined a yahoo group today and told them about this blog. I decided that I don't really like the forums on the WW website because they are exceptionally impersonal. I looked at re-joining some of the other yahoo groups I've been in but they were never a really good fit for me, which is why I eventually left them. So I'm hoping that the new group I have joined will allow me to support some people as well as help me on my journey. Time will tell.

I've still got a few points left today... it seems I either have trouble staying low enough or I have trouble eating enough. I need to find that balance that lets me eat the right target. I'll have to work on that. I think the "problem" is that I've been a big fan of soup lately since I've been sick. And, being a vegetarian, I only eat vegetable type soups so I can eat a can of soup and only use up 2 points. I have a hard time wanting to eat MORE on top of a can of soup (maybe a few crackers but that is also only 1 point for 3 saltines). I like soup. I don't want to have to change my lunch choices to something with more calories because that's silly.

Oh well, I'm rambling and I'm tired so I'm done for the evening. See you tomorrow with the good news!

Bad Choices But Good Day?

Stayed within my point limit today although the choices weren't exactly stellar. I had Starbucks and pizza today so I definitely had no trouble using up all the points. I'm proud of myself for stopping at 2 pieces of pizza because I wanted to be able to have enough points for a decent dinner.

Overall I think today was successful even if I didn't really eat enough veggies.

Posting late and I'm tired, so this one is short and sweet.

Haven't Given Up

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Extra Points?!

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Thank Goodness for Flex Points

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Day 3

Quick post, I'm tired today.

Have company but still did fine point-wise not necessarily fine food wise. I ate some junk but I still stayed within my points but I'm not upset about it because you need some junk every once in a while, especially when you're PMSing. *giggle*

A bit worried about tomorrow because we're going out to lunch to a place I haven't been in a *long* time so part of me doesn't want to order something 'healthy' I want to order something 'good'.

Day 2

So far so good. Made good choices today and still have 1 point left for a snack before I go to bed or something.

I haven't decided if I'm going to update this every day or what. I'm thinking I probably should but then that gets to be a bit much sometimes. Although, if I want this to be an accurate record of this journey (and hopefully not failed attempt) I should blog every day. So, ok, yea, even if I just log on to say one sentence, I'll blog every day for the next 3 months.

I'm still sure I don't want to show this to anyone I know yet. But then sometimes I think I should. Even though this really is just for me, it would be nice to have *someone* read this besides me. Yesterday nobody else hit this blog. Not that I expected anyone to, since nobody knows this blog exists, but it was still a rather lonely little blog.

No exercise today. I'm still getting over this nasty cough thing I have. It started last Friday as a sore throat then went into my sinuses (I still can't smell/taste anything) and then went down into my chest and makes me hack up nice things. I picked a good time to start a lifestyle change again, huh? In the middle of an illness. I like to make things difficult on myself, I guess.

I'm going to forego the exercise until Monday but stick with the meal plan until then. Monday is my first weigh-in with WW online, even though I joined on a Thursday I chose to weigh-in on Monday. So it won't be entirely "accurate" until the following Monday when I have a full week under my belt. But I'll take what I can get this coming Monday. Every little bit helps.

Ok enough rambling, off to finish updating my iTunes.

Please don't fail this time...

I went to Hot Topic today and got the cutest bra and panties set.

Bra Here and Panties Here

I got a 38DD in the bra and a Large in the panties. I brought them home and tried them on and they didn't come close to fitting. My tits were falling out of the bra (does that mean I'm bigger than a DD?!) and my ass was falling out of the panties.

Enter ... Depression.

Ok, I know I'm fat. I get it. I weigh 198.5 pounds for fucks sake. But this was almost like a slap in the face to me. I looked ridiculous there trying to squeeze myself into those. Which is why I rarely do anything that non-fat people do. I don't take pictures of myself EVER, I don't wear "cute" clothes anymore, and I rarely wear makeup (what's the point, I'm so fat it's not like that's going to help). More or less, I have an incredible sense of self-loathing.

Sometimes I wish I could be like those "fat pride" people. You know the ones I'm talking about -- the ones who are proud of having fat rolls hanging out of a bikini on the beach. It would really make my life easier to not look at myself and feel disgusted. But I really wonder if the whole "fat pride" thing is bullshit. I really wonder if, deep down, those people have just as much self-loathing as I do but they are better at hiding it and keep up the facade that they are happy and prideful.

Well, either way, I don't have any pride in my huge ginormous ass and I'm tired of looking in the mirror and immediately looking away depressed.

I haven't always been fat. I was a thin kid, then chunked up when puberty hit. I got that under control and was pretty fucking hot for a while. Then marriage and life and I gained a few pounds. Not enough to make me feel like a total fat fuck, but enough I couldn't get my ass in my cute clothes anymore. Then comes the surprise pregnancy and the even bigger weight gain.

But the problem is ... I'm not some mom who just recently gave birth. No, my "baby weight" is about 2 years old now. I think it's about time I stop blaming the pregnancy on my weight. Of course, I haven't gained anything since he was born ... but I haven't lost anything either.

That's not for lack of trying... well, evidently saying I'm trying but not trying really hard. I have no idea how many times I've tried to lose weight in the last 2 years. 4? 5? Maybe this is the 5th time, I dunno. But what always happens is I start out motivated and get clocking along and then something happens and I crumble. I give up for a few months and then I get disgusted with myself and try again.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

What's to stop that from happening this time? Nothing. Honestly. Which is why I haven't told anyone I know about this blog. I'm tired of being a disappointment to my friends and family for "giving up" on the weight loss thing. I'm tired of having to have my friends LIE to me and have them say 'Oh yea, I totally think this time you'll stick with it" because I know, deep down, they think I'm full of shit and they know that it will never happen.

It's not that I don't want people to read my blog. In fact, it's going to be exceptionally difficult the next 3+ months without having people read it. I figure, if I can make this 3 months, then I can show my friends and let them see what I've done from behind the scenes and let them see that I can be worthy of their support this time.

Maybe this time it will stick. Maybe taking it one day at a time will be what I need to make it work. Maybe. I can't say "yes for sure!" because the cynical part of me is echoing my friends with the "yea right".

However, this time I just spent 65 bucks to join Weight Watchers online. I've done the SparkPeople crap, I've done the Calorie King Crap, I've done all that "free" online stuff and I never stick with it.

Maybe going to Weight Watchers meetings would be better; but, I have some pretty heft dietary restrictions so I don't eat like normal people anyways so sitting around and learning how to eat like a "normal" person isn't really going to help me. Plus, the reality is, it's not fucking rocket science. I *know* how to eat properly, I simply CHOOSE not to. I'm not a victim in this, I'm the perpetrature. I don't really need to sit around in a room to learn what I already know if I'm going to simply choose to not follow it anyways.

I'm hoping the fact I spent 65 bucks on WW online will motivate me. I hate pissing away money so I'll feel guilty if I don't use it. I only signed up for 3 months. My goal, right now, is to make it through the three months and use the online food diary EVERY DAY. Even on the days that I screw up.

Sure, obviously I want to lose weight too but this time my goal isn't to say "By the time 3 months is up I want to be X pounds lighter". I just want to eat right, exercise a bit and use the tools on the WW online and go along for the ride. If I'm 10 pounds lighter in 3 months fine. 30 pounds? Even better. But I will not gauge my success or failure of this endeavor by how much I have lost each week. I will gauge it by my choices and know that even if the scale doesn't agree, I have made good healthy choices.

It's odd because I didn't wake up this morning saying "this is the day I will join WW and stop being such a fat fuck." No, I decided it when I had to use a crowbar to get the panties off my ass so I had already made poor food choices today; however, I logged it all and am going to deal with the consequences of those choices today. I'm not putting it off and starting tomorrow.

Maybe that's how this time will be different. I had no grand plans of doing this... I just jumped into the deep end of the pool.

Time to sink or swim.