I got myself a Wii as an early Mother's Day present. I really want that Wii Fit that comes out at the end of May. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the elliptical trainer and having an excuse to watch TV but I am kind of bored of it and need something new and novel to try.
Today was a weird food day. I forgot to each lunch! I honestly didn't do it on purpose. I just got busy and sidetracked and forgot. Then I didn't realize it until around 5:00 when I started getting *really* hungry so I made myself a bigger than normal dinner. But I stayed within my point range and I don't intend to make it a habit of skipping lunch because my dinner was like 15 points worth of food because I was so hungry.
I'm already sore from that Wii. It's crazy. I spent 4 hours playing it today. I'm not going to count it was four hours of exercise (although that boxing game, I sure could) but I have to have burnt some calories because I wasn't sitting on the couch for 4 hours instead.
Well off to bed.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
MIGRAINE
Ug... my head hurts.
Went one point over my points today because I had a regular coke (or 2) to try to help curb my migraine. Usually it works but not this time. :/ But that's ok, because I have the flex points that I can use so I'm not really worried about it.
I just wish my headache would go away. I think it's because the weather here got all funky. Three days ago it was in the low 80's and now it's snow flurries. It's so bizarre.
I think part of my success the last week was not really eating the flex points so I'm going to attempt to not use any more of them this week and see what happens. Either way, I only went over by 1 so it's really not a huge ordeal and I'm over it.
I'm enjoying my yahoo group so far but I'm on moderated status which means I'm at the mercy of the list owner to approve my posts. So the posts I made several hours ago still haven't shown up. It makes it difficult to interact when it takes several hours for the posts to go through. I feel guilty harassing the list owner about it because I know how much work it is to run an email list so I'll be passive aggressive here and hope she reads this and knows I'm not out to sabotage her list and maybe she'll take me off of moderated. ;)
Ok, off to bed.
Went one point over my points today because I had a regular coke (or 2) to try to help curb my migraine. Usually it works but not this time. :/ But that's ok, because I have the flex points that I can use so I'm not really worried about it.
I just wish my headache would go away. I think it's because the weather here got all funky. Three days ago it was in the low 80's and now it's snow flurries. It's so bizarre.
I think part of my success the last week was not really eating the flex points so I'm going to attempt to not use any more of them this week and see what happens. Either way, I only went over by 1 so it's really not a huge ordeal and I'm over it.
I'm enjoying my yahoo group so far but I'm on moderated status which means I'm at the mercy of the list owner to approve my posts. So the posts I made several hours ago still haven't shown up. It makes it difficult to interact when it takes several hours for the posts to go through. I feel guilty harassing the list owner about it because I know how much work it is to run an email list so I'll be passive aggressive here and hope she reads this and knows I'm not out to sabotage her list and maybe she'll take me off of moderated. ;)
Ok, off to bed.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Weekend Success
I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself for making it through the weekend and staying within my points. I tend to get bored and sit around and snack when I have nothing to do. It's been pretty chilly this weekend and VERY windy so I didn't get to go out very much with the baby (and I) getting over the creeping crud.
I will weigh-in tomorrow and I'm hoping to see good numbers on the scale. I know that I said that I wouldn't let the scale determine my success or failures this time, but honestly, I lied. It's hard for me to put in a bunch of effort to see no pay out so while I will do my best to not have a bad week have me throw in the towel, I do think that me saying that my success will strictly be determined by me living a healthier lifestyle is me lying to myself. So, that said, let's hope for a good loss tomorrow!
I joined a yahoo group today and told them about this blog. I decided that I don't really like the forums on the WW website because they are exceptionally impersonal. I looked at re-joining some of the other yahoo groups I've been in but they were never a really good fit for me, which is why I eventually left them. So I'm hoping that the new group I have joined will allow me to support some people as well as help me on my journey. Time will tell.
I've still got a few points left today... it seems I either have trouble staying low enough or I have trouble eating enough. I need to find that balance that lets me eat the right target. I'll have to work on that. I think the "problem" is that I've been a big fan of soup lately since I've been sick. And, being a vegetarian, I only eat vegetable type soups so I can eat a can of soup and only use up 2 points. I have a hard time wanting to eat MORE on top of a can of soup (maybe a few crackers but that is also only 1 point for 3 saltines). I like soup. I don't want to have to change my lunch choices to something with more calories because that's silly.
Oh well, I'm rambling and I'm tired so I'm done for the evening. See you tomorrow with the good news!
I will weigh-in tomorrow and I'm hoping to see good numbers on the scale. I know that I said that I wouldn't let the scale determine my success or failures this time, but honestly, I lied. It's hard for me to put in a bunch of effort to see no pay out so while I will do my best to not have a bad week have me throw in the towel, I do think that me saying that my success will strictly be determined by me living a healthier lifestyle is me lying to myself. So, that said, let's hope for a good loss tomorrow!
I joined a yahoo group today and told them about this blog. I decided that I don't really like the forums on the WW website because they are exceptionally impersonal. I looked at re-joining some of the other yahoo groups I've been in but they were never a really good fit for me, which is why I eventually left them. So I'm hoping that the new group I have joined will allow me to support some people as well as help me on my journey. Time will tell.
I've still got a few points left today... it seems I either have trouble staying low enough or I have trouble eating enough. I need to find that balance that lets me eat the right target. I'll have to work on that. I think the "problem" is that I've been a big fan of soup lately since I've been sick. And, being a vegetarian, I only eat vegetable type soups so I can eat a can of soup and only use up 2 points. I have a hard time wanting to eat MORE on top of a can of soup (maybe a few crackers but that is also only 1 point for 3 saltines). I like soup. I don't want to have to change my lunch choices to something with more calories because that's silly.
Oh well, I'm rambling and I'm tired so I'm done for the evening. See you tomorrow with the good news!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Bad Choices But Good Day?
Stayed within my point limit today although the choices weren't exactly stellar. I had Starbucks and pizza today so I definitely had no trouble using up all the points. I'm proud of myself for stopping at 2 pieces of pizza because I wanted to be able to have enough points for a decent dinner.
Overall I think today was successful even if I didn't really eat enough veggies.
Posting late and I'm tired, so this one is short and sweet.
Overall I think today was successful even if I didn't really eat enough veggies.
Posting late and I'm tired, so this one is short and sweet.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Day 3
Quick post, I'm tired today.
Have company but still did fine point-wise not necessarily fine food wise. I ate some junk but I still stayed within my points but I'm not upset about it because you need some junk every once in a while, especially when you're PMSing. *giggle*
A bit worried about tomorrow because we're going out to lunch to a place I haven't been in a *long* time so part of me doesn't want to order something 'healthy' I want to order something 'good'.
Have company but still did fine point-wise not necessarily fine food wise. I ate some junk but I still stayed within my points but I'm not upset about it because you need some junk every once in a while, especially when you're PMSing. *giggle*
A bit worried about tomorrow because we're going out to lunch to a place I haven't been in a *long* time so part of me doesn't want to order something 'healthy' I want to order something 'good'.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Day 2
So far so good. Made good choices today and still have 1 point left for a snack before I go to bed or something.
I haven't decided if I'm going to update this every day or what. I'm thinking I probably should but then that gets to be a bit much sometimes. Although, if I want this to be an accurate record of this journey (and hopefully not failed attempt) I should blog every day. So, ok, yea, even if I just log on to say one sentence, I'll blog every day for the next 3 months.
I'm still sure I don't want to show this to anyone I know yet. But then sometimes I think I should. Even though this really is just for me, it would be nice to have *someone* read this besides me. Yesterday nobody else hit this blog. Not that I expected anyone to, since nobody knows this blog exists, but it was still a rather lonely little blog.
No exercise today. I'm still getting over this nasty cough thing I have. It started last Friday as a sore throat then went into my sinuses (I still can't smell/taste anything) and then went down into my chest and makes me hack up nice things. I picked a good time to start a lifestyle change again, huh? In the middle of an illness. I like to make things difficult on myself, I guess.
I'm going to forego the exercise until Monday but stick with the meal plan until then. Monday is my first weigh-in with WW online, even though I joined on a Thursday I chose to weigh-in on Monday. So it won't be entirely "accurate" until the following Monday when I have a full week under my belt. But I'll take what I can get this coming Monday. Every little bit helps.
Ok enough rambling, off to finish updating my iTunes.
I haven't decided if I'm going to update this every day or what. I'm thinking I probably should but then that gets to be a bit much sometimes. Although, if I want this to be an accurate record of this journey (and hopefully not failed attempt) I should blog every day. So, ok, yea, even if I just log on to say one sentence, I'll blog every day for the next 3 months.
I'm still sure I don't want to show this to anyone I know yet. But then sometimes I think I should. Even though this really is just for me, it would be nice to have *someone* read this besides me. Yesterday nobody else hit this blog. Not that I expected anyone to, since nobody knows this blog exists, but it was still a rather lonely little blog.
No exercise today. I'm still getting over this nasty cough thing I have. It started last Friday as a sore throat then went into my sinuses (I still can't smell/taste anything) and then went down into my chest and makes me hack up nice things. I picked a good time to start a lifestyle change again, huh? In the middle of an illness. I like to make things difficult on myself, I guess.
I'm going to forego the exercise until Monday but stick with the meal plan until then. Monday is my first weigh-in with WW online, even though I joined on a Thursday I chose to weigh-in on Monday. So it won't be entirely "accurate" until the following Monday when I have a full week under my belt. But I'll take what I can get this coming Monday. Every little bit helps.
Ok enough rambling, off to finish updating my iTunes.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Please don't fail this time...
I went to Hot Topic today and got the cutest bra and panties set.
Bra Here and Panties Here
I got a 38DD in the bra and a Large in the panties. I brought them home and tried them on and they didn't come close to fitting. My tits were falling out of the bra (does that mean I'm bigger than a DD?!) and my ass was falling out of the panties.
Enter ... Depression.
Ok, I know I'm fat. I get it. I weigh 198.5 pounds for fucks sake. But this was almost like a slap in the face to me. I looked ridiculous there trying to squeeze myself into those. Which is why I rarely do anything that non-fat people do. I don't take pictures of myself EVER, I don't wear "cute" clothes anymore, and I rarely wear makeup (what's the point, I'm so fat it's not like that's going to help). More or less, I have an incredible sense of self-loathing.
Sometimes I wish I could be like those "fat pride" people. You know the ones I'm talking about -- the ones who are proud of having fat rolls hanging out of a bikini on the beach. It would really make my life easier to not look at myself and feel disgusted. But I really wonder if the whole "fat pride" thing is bullshit. I really wonder if, deep down, those people have just as much self-loathing as I do but they are better at hiding it and keep up the facade that they are happy and prideful.
Well, either way, I don't have any pride in my huge ginormous ass and I'm tired of looking in the mirror and immediately looking away depressed.
I haven't always been fat. I was a thin kid, then chunked up when puberty hit. I got that under control and was pretty fucking hot for a while. Then marriage and life and I gained a few pounds. Not enough to make me feel like a total fat fuck, but enough I couldn't get my ass in my cute clothes anymore. Then comes the surprise pregnancy and the even bigger weight gain.
But the problem is ... I'm not some mom who just recently gave birth. No, my "baby weight" is about 2 years old now. I think it's about time I stop blaming the pregnancy on my weight. Of course, I haven't gained anything since he was born ... but I haven't lost anything either.
That's not for lack of trying... well, evidently saying I'm trying but not trying really hard. I have no idea how many times I've tried to lose weight in the last 2 years. 4? 5? Maybe this is the 5th time, I dunno. But what always happens is I start out motivated and get clocking along and then something happens and I crumble. I give up for a few months and then I get disgusted with myself and try again.
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
What's to stop that from happening this time? Nothing. Honestly. Which is why I haven't told anyone I know about this blog. I'm tired of being a disappointment to my friends and family for "giving up" on the weight loss thing. I'm tired of having to have my friends LIE to me and have them say 'Oh yea, I totally think this time you'll stick with it" because I know, deep down, they think I'm full of shit and they know that it will never happen.
It's not that I don't want people to read my blog. In fact, it's going to be exceptionally difficult the next 3+ months without having people read it. I figure, if I can make this 3 months, then I can show my friends and let them see what I've done from behind the scenes and let them see that I can be worthy of their support this time.
Maybe this time it will stick. Maybe taking it one day at a time will be what I need to make it work. Maybe. I can't say "yes for sure!" because the cynical part of me is echoing my friends with the "yea right".
However, this time I just spent 65 bucks to join Weight Watchers online. I've done the SparkPeople crap, I've done the Calorie King Crap, I've done all that "free" online stuff and I never stick with it.
Maybe going to Weight Watchers meetings would be better; but, I have some pretty heft dietary restrictions so I don't eat like normal people anyways so sitting around and learning how to eat like a "normal" person isn't really going to help me. Plus, the reality is, it's not fucking rocket science. I *know* how to eat properly, I simply CHOOSE not to. I'm not a victim in this, I'm the perpetrature. I don't really need to sit around in a room to learn what I already know if I'm going to simply choose to not follow it anyways.
I'm hoping the fact I spent 65 bucks on WW online will motivate me. I hate pissing away money so I'll feel guilty if I don't use it. I only signed up for 3 months. My goal, right now, is to make it through the three months and use the online food diary EVERY DAY. Even on the days that I screw up.
Sure, obviously I want to lose weight too but this time my goal isn't to say "By the time 3 months is up I want to be X pounds lighter". I just want to eat right, exercise a bit and use the tools on the WW online and go along for the ride. If I'm 10 pounds lighter in 3 months fine. 30 pounds? Even better. But I will not gauge my success or failure of this endeavor by how much I have lost each week. I will gauge it by my choices and know that even if the scale doesn't agree, I have made good healthy choices.
It's odd because I didn't wake up this morning saying "this is the day I will join WW and stop being such a fat fuck." No, I decided it when I had to use a crowbar to get the panties off my ass so I had already made poor food choices today; however, I logged it all and am going to deal with the consequences of those choices today. I'm not putting it off and starting tomorrow.
Maybe that's how this time will be different. I had no grand plans of doing this... I just jumped into the deep end of the pool.
Time to sink or swim.
Bra Here and Panties Here
I got a 38DD in the bra and a Large in the panties. I brought them home and tried them on and they didn't come close to fitting. My tits were falling out of the bra (does that mean I'm bigger than a DD?!) and my ass was falling out of the panties.
Enter ... Depression.
Ok, I know I'm fat. I get it. I weigh 198.5 pounds for fucks sake. But this was almost like a slap in the face to me. I looked ridiculous there trying to squeeze myself into those. Which is why I rarely do anything that non-fat people do. I don't take pictures of myself EVER, I don't wear "cute" clothes anymore, and I rarely wear makeup (what's the point, I'm so fat it's not like that's going to help). More or less, I have an incredible sense of self-loathing.
Sometimes I wish I could be like those "fat pride" people. You know the ones I'm talking about -- the ones who are proud of having fat rolls hanging out of a bikini on the beach. It would really make my life easier to not look at myself and feel disgusted. But I really wonder if the whole "fat pride" thing is bullshit. I really wonder if, deep down, those people have just as much self-loathing as I do but they are better at hiding it and keep up the facade that they are happy and prideful.
Well, either way, I don't have any pride in my huge ginormous ass and I'm tired of looking in the mirror and immediately looking away depressed.
I haven't always been fat. I was a thin kid, then chunked up when puberty hit. I got that under control and was pretty fucking hot for a while. Then marriage and life and I gained a few pounds. Not enough to make me feel like a total fat fuck, but enough I couldn't get my ass in my cute clothes anymore. Then comes the surprise pregnancy and the even bigger weight gain.
But the problem is ... I'm not some mom who just recently gave birth. No, my "baby weight" is about 2 years old now. I think it's about time I stop blaming the pregnancy on my weight. Of course, I haven't gained anything since he was born ... but I haven't lost anything either.
That's not for lack of trying... well, evidently saying I'm trying but not trying really hard. I have no idea how many times I've tried to lose weight in the last 2 years. 4? 5? Maybe this is the 5th time, I dunno. But what always happens is I start out motivated and get clocking along and then something happens and I crumble. I give up for a few months and then I get disgusted with myself and try again.
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
What's to stop that from happening this time? Nothing. Honestly. Which is why I haven't told anyone I know about this blog. I'm tired of being a disappointment to my friends and family for "giving up" on the weight loss thing. I'm tired of having to have my friends LIE to me and have them say 'Oh yea, I totally think this time you'll stick with it" because I know, deep down, they think I'm full of shit and they know that it will never happen.
It's not that I don't want people to read my blog. In fact, it's going to be exceptionally difficult the next 3+ months without having people read it. I figure, if I can make this 3 months, then I can show my friends and let them see what I've done from behind the scenes and let them see that I can be worthy of their support this time.
Maybe this time it will stick. Maybe taking it one day at a time will be what I need to make it work. Maybe. I can't say "yes for sure!" because the cynical part of me is echoing my friends with the "yea right".
However, this time I just spent 65 bucks to join Weight Watchers online. I've done the SparkPeople crap, I've done the Calorie King Crap, I've done all that "free" online stuff and I never stick with it.
Maybe going to Weight Watchers meetings would be better; but, I have some pretty heft dietary restrictions so I don't eat like normal people anyways so sitting around and learning how to eat like a "normal" person isn't really going to help me. Plus, the reality is, it's not fucking rocket science. I *know* how to eat properly, I simply CHOOSE not to. I'm not a victim in this, I'm the perpetrature. I don't really need to sit around in a room to learn what I already know if I'm going to simply choose to not follow it anyways.
I'm hoping the fact I spent 65 bucks on WW online will motivate me. I hate pissing away money so I'll feel guilty if I don't use it. I only signed up for 3 months. My goal, right now, is to make it through the three months and use the online food diary EVERY DAY. Even on the days that I screw up.
Sure, obviously I want to lose weight too but this time my goal isn't to say "By the time 3 months is up I want to be X pounds lighter". I just want to eat right, exercise a bit and use the tools on the WW online and go along for the ride. If I'm 10 pounds lighter in 3 months fine. 30 pounds? Even better. But I will not gauge my success or failure of this endeavor by how much I have lost each week. I will gauge it by my choices and know that even if the scale doesn't agree, I have made good healthy choices.
It's odd because I didn't wake up this morning saying "this is the day I will join WW and stop being such a fat fuck." No, I decided it when I had to use a crowbar to get the panties off my ass so I had already made poor food choices today; however, I logged it all and am going to deal with the consequences of those choices today. I'm not putting it off and starting tomorrow.
Maybe that's how this time will be different. I had no grand plans of doing this... I just jumped into the deep end of the pool.
Time to sink or swim.
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